What if programming languages were real persons like you and me? What if they were parts of families and had relations and affairs? Have you ever thought of going to a supermarket and Visual Basic was the young woman waiting in the line in front of you?
Well we did. We let our imagination free and we came up with pictures and facts :). We hope you enjoy this article since it only exist as a geeks humor. Names are fictional and images has been collected from Google’s search.
Charlie C
C is a 70 years old man that knows a lot. Perhaps too proud to reveal what he knows and sometimes too cryptic. He is a very strict person that follows his way of doing things and nothing seems possible to change his mind. In the past he was known as one of the strictest teachers in the Devel City university.
C can make you happy or disappoint you so much that, you want go for one of his sons or daughters. It depends on how much you try to learn his ways. The more you try the more he gives you.
C has been the main builder behind large projects like the Linuxious stadium and other large scaled buildings that we all use. He still works as a freelancer engineer and has involved in many other projects. Even at his age and with a lot of competition mainly from his son C++, C is still the choice of many companies to do things in Devel City.
C has 3 daughters :
- Perl,
- Java and
- C#
and one son, C++.
Vin C++
C++ is 45 years old teacher at the Devel City university, following his father’s steps to become as respected as he is. He loves his father so much that tried to continue his work and knowledge. Being a younger man than C though, made him a much more friendly guy, in the means of approach, than his father. He works as a teacher in the Devel City university and his students have a love and hate affair with him.
C++ often lets his students choose their way in the learning process since he follows a different way of teaching approach than his father used to. His students love him because he lets them work in their own way but sometimes they fear his inheritance of C.
Most of his followers admire his wide range of knowledge that mixes C’s knowledge with knowledge gained through his life.
There are also a lot of people that criticise him of being so wide. Most of the time they talk about him as a direct descendant of C that has adopted all of his fathers disadvantages and added some more to it.
C++ has spent many years to get rid some of his fathers bad habits and never does things not needed. He prefers to put as much effort as needed to do the job right and never bloats things. This is why his projects are much more targeted than his fathers.
Montana Perl
Perl is a 37 years old young woman and works as a data analyst at the department of linguistics in Devel City. As a sexy young woman, her colleagues just love to work with her.
She is extremely clever, very strict when it comes to how people treat to her but has added great value to her carrier with her regular way of expressing things and her unique way of finding needles in haystacks. Many of her colleagues depend on Perl to fix things and they call her a “Swiss knife”.
Her father was a source of inspiration for Perl. Many of her father’s principles was inherited and many more added to her philosophy of how things should be done and why. She is a rather laconic character that speaks less but means a lot.
Perl finds it easy to work on different environments and performs well with a little help from her beloved husband Cygwin who always supports her ambitions.
Perl loves to travel. Each summer she goes around the world, most of the time she will be riding a camel in Africa and many times you might find her playing Golf in the State of the union stadium.
She also loves poetry and runs her own amusement company named Acme which aids in teaching young kids the way to do things the funny way.
Bianca Java
Java is a 35 years old sexy young woman and a mother also. Being so young and mature, Java is one of the most popular women in Devel City. She is very adoptable and can work everywhere. Her name comes as a feature in many projects and a lot of companies want their projects to carry her “Java powered” signature of quality.
Being C++’s sister, does not stop Java to be one of the biggest competitors of her brother. As a woman, Java is clean and manages to keep garbage out of her place, clean and clear. She works at JVM, a company specialized in ports creation.
Java loves sun. Each summer is Java’s favorite season and she loves playing with Duke in the beach.
Java has created her own legacy, just like her father did and has 2 daughters that promise to be as competitive as she is. Her daughters also work at JVM and stand out from the crowd of talented persons in Devel City. Their names are:
- Groovy and
- Scala
Jessica Groovy
Groovy is 21. Young but her impact in Devel City is bigger than just big. She was greatly inspired by her aunt Perl and her best friend Ruby.
Groovy is laconic and very expressive like her aunt, got any possible knowledge of her mother and added some cool ways to do her job in JVM. Most of the time she guides her colleagues in a rather strange way… by adding question marks (?) wherever she thinks something should be checked again.
Jane Scala
Scala is 22 years old.She is sweet and quite friendly but many of her friends in Devel City feel a little thread when it comes to job opportunities. The case of Twittorix, where the managers of the project asked Scala to do the job, made Ruby upset.
Scala like her little sister Groovy, got all of her mother’s knowledge and took it to a newer level. Not only Scala can work the same way as her mother does, she can also make new ways of working and doing things for a specific job which makes her a valuable part of JVM. Scala gets a lot of suggestions to work for NET (another ports creation company) but she is too busy with JVM at the moment that makes this a little hard to accomplish.
Pierson PHP
PHP is 29 years old and Java’s bitter friend. PHP runs her own company in Devel City called Zendix and has become one of the worlds well known ladies because of her easy way of doing things, her adoption of new technologies and a large fun club that make her desirable and efficient.
PHP was a student of C, Java’s father and used to work with Perl where she got her expressive character and power. Being a very beautiful woman, PHP has a lot of admirers that range from newcomers to Devel city, to old residents. She might seem easy but she needs a lot of attention to master her ways.
Sometimes her affairs are too strong and sometimes people seem to glance at Java and Ruby which makes her trying to add some of Java’s charm into her character. This, makes a lot of people say that PHP tries to become Java in some way.
Recently, PHP was voted as the 3rd most popular person in Devel’s city Object’s awards.
Mary JavaScript
JavaScript is often confused with Java in Devel City especially from newcomers… but you know what they say that: “where no smoke without fire”. Many rumors say that JavaScript is Java’s half sister but she denies it, so does Java.
JavaScript is 32 and her close friends call her “JS”. She is very strict but relaxed also. This, makes her a wonderful companion for most of Devel’s residents and she is very popular since a large part of the city has used her services at least once.
JS is one of the most successful women in Devel City. She runs a network of more than 20 companies some of which are unique. jQuerysius, Mootool and Dojodic, to name a few are popping out each and every day.
She works silently and a lot of people think that she spents most of her time to make her job look glamourus. Most of her competitors say that she is good only for that but, to be honest, all of them know that there are some things that only she can accomplish.
She believes that to become successful, you have to keep your friends close and, your enemies closer. So, she tries to cooperate and coexist with all other businessman and businesswoman in Devel City. Everybody loves her even if she breaks things up sometimes.
Angelina Ruby
Ruby is a good friend of Groovy. She is 20 years old and she is one of the upcoming names in Devel City mainly because of her professional maturity and the way she manages to do a job cleanly and fast. Although Scala, Groovy’s sister, got a big job from Ruby’s hands (case of Twittorix), Ruby is still considered as one of the best professionals out there.
Ruby, became one of the most successful women in City of Devel, after the creation of her Rails company and got a lot of fame. She also inspired many other famous women in Devel City to start their own Rails-like companies with PHP being one of them with Symfoniac LTD.
She is a very calm person and not fond of surprises. When she works, she wants to have everything there as helpful as it can be for her and her co-workers. Most of the time she applies the POLS principle to her job.
Some Devel City residents state that, if Perl goes away one day, Ruby will do the job as good as she does and with more freedom than with Perl.
Ruby believes in one principle: “Divide and Conquer”, this is why she has divided all of her company groups into Gems. Ruby just needs to use a gem to do a particular job.
Jack Python
One of the most known and respected persons in Devel City, is Python. A 54 years old construction builder. Some people believe that he can use the power of his brain to do magic. Python works in a rather modern way that his age implies and here is where he amazes Devel’s residents.
Python always finds new ways of doing things. If a tool is good to work with, Python will use it with no particular disadvantages. Python is one of the best man in Devel to work with since he allows anyone to work the way he thinks is better.
His favorite words are spam and eggs and his projects are named after his nickname. For example PyGameing station and PyS6000 which was a futuristic TV series.
Python as his name implies, is a snakes lover and has a lot of them as pets. His favorite pet is an Anaconda.
His work has been approved by some of the biggest companies in Devel City like 10^10, Yohaaa and DERN.
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LOL…I wonder how would Clojure, Erlang and Haskell be! :-)
Were is Kobol? jaja very nice article!
Very very clever! Excellent text :)
what about:
Pascal
Actionscript
Visual Basic
It’s a shame a relatively clever article was ruined by a complete lack of copy editing. While the content was humorous enough, I’d be surprised if the author was more than 15 years old; at least, that’s the vocabulary and diction with which this article was written. It’s completely inexcusable to have as many misplaced commas, sentence fragments, awkward phrases, etc. as this article does, even for a blog.
2/5
How about Smalltalk?
You forgot about C’s prodigal son, Objective-C, who spend many years in hiding, waiting for the right time to conquer a certain orchard and become its head of R&D, and now is very popular because of a mobile phone.
@Eddie
Thanks for your kind words. I am 31 and my mother tongue is not English. These types of comments are always expected.
very nice post :D i fall in a love with “Pierson PHP”
Very informative and fresh content . My favorite is Pierson PHP in this case. ;)
You fail to mention Pierson PHP’s habit of giving people what they want, whether they’re responsible enough to have it or not. It’s controversial – some of the others’ friends think it’s irresponsible behaviour, while others realise that it’s not Pierson’s place to decide.
–
“Were is Kobol?”
He’s in the local cemetery. There appears to be a permanent graveside vigil by a group of denialists.
Excellent article!
@Eddie is an ****
VB es el mas joven rebelde de todos, hijo de basic un vendido a un tal bill que antes era tan ordenado que enumeraba todas sus acciones 10 20 pero mal contadas, ahora ya no hace eso , es muy rebelde se niega a ser encerrado por bill y solo quiere competir con su hermano c# que es un alienado copia de java .
Edit:
I liked this so i translated it:
VB is the rebellious youngest of all, the son of a sellout to basic bill that was once so orderly that listed all his actions 10 20 but badly told, no longer does that, is very rebellious refuses to be enclosed by bill and just want to compete with his brother c # which is a copy of java alienated.
Joaquin
just for helping, not bothering. Persons –> People
Nice! pretty funny!
@egui
Thanks for pointing this out!!! I don’t have a problem with people correcting a typo or my spelling mistakes.
@kerasiotis Vasileios
very original post!!! don´t worry about mistakes man, anyway would be nice you to do a second part…
Congrats man i´ve enjoyed
Original post, and a lot of work in this! Good one, thanks ;)
This would be a great way of introducing programming languages to non-programmers.
Thanks!
Nice post, what about Lucy Lisp?
Μπράβο Βασίλη! Πράγματι απολαυστική ιστορία και ωραία γραμμένη.
How about C#?
Matz, the father of Angelina Ruby, responded.
http://twitter.com/yukihiro_matz/status/5468332557
Matz: Ruby’s got an ugly face. Unlike Python, I’m glad that it wasn’t a man. Liked the description itself.
hehe… nicely written!!! :-)
You forgot Fortran (if you want to include zombies, of course ;-)
A wonderful light-hearted techincal article. I enjoyed a lot reading this article.
Please take some time out in illustrating OS ( windows, linux, symbian, Android, etc) as well:-)
Nice idea. You might consider appending more languages in the future.
I liked reading this article, wonderful imagination. Ruby should have got a better face! Good article though.
anyone knows the wired guy Bruce Brainfuck? ;)
Bruce Brainfuck is in jail because he tried to kill a resident of Devel City. He is suspected of prison break in the near future but his relatives (L00P and Flow) deny this accusation. :)
Hillarious. But, my friends think that Java’s favourite season should be Spring :)
WOW. Nice article. Thanks for sharing
mmmmm, sexism….
Nice article … Thanks.
I was just wondering if Ada is a cousin or an exotic nephew ;-)
IMO: Mary JavaScript should have been a orphan cheap whore at DevelCity :P
please use the correct word for the correct plural of person for your context -> people.
http://bit.ly/1m7wPz
Incomplete article, c#?
Didn’t meet the lady yet.
Hans Kobol is a zombie who has not realized he is dead. When still alive, he was one of the founders of Devel City, but now he is rumored to have been seen fixing the sewers of the city and haunting some sturdy old buildings that no other languages dare to approach.
Thanks ! I enjoyed it a lot ! I also liked the comment depicting “Kobol”. And btw, Fortran may be a zombie but is very healthy within the HPC community.
I am a editor of an IT magazine,I want to publish your humor on our magazine,if you interest in that,could you contact me? Thank you!
Excelent article Vasili, keep up the good work. You should really edit and add Basic (from gw to vb) languages too mate :)
Hey @Kerasiotis Vasileios.
Excelent article!
I would know if can i translate the article to brazilian portuguese, keeping the reference.
sure!